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Hot or not

Sometimes social allowances are provided if you are hot enough to be that much of a pain in the ass.

I have a Lot to say, no matter of hotness will make my truth spilling “OK” for those hearing it.

Attractiveness… Fuck it.

If you can’t live with yourself without saying the truth then …fuck it.

It is YOUR burden if you were wrong, cruel or injudiciously saying it.

Be your own person!


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Is adult dating, like a roadtrip?

It is said that like attracts like. It is also said that life is like a journey.

Imagine you are on a road trip. This trip is unlike any other one you have ever taken. Every stop along the way represents a point in your own personal transformation. This transformation is the changes and stages of thought, experience and maturity.

Every stop you make on the road trip is like a point on a map of who you will be. At every pausing point of the road trip, you meet people.

Imagine stopping on the road trip at a roadside diner. Once you park along on the dusty pavement amongst other cars, and enter the diner, imagine the people who will be there.

There will be patrons, people who live in this point on your map, people who are pausing there for a set time and travelers like you that are pausing for the moment before they journey on to another point in life.

Imagine now, that you are in the beginning stages of meeting, greeting and flirting with someone sitting next to you at the counter of the diner. An attractive person, a great conversation and a chemistry is there.

Do you take any note if they are a local, who lives in the place? Is the person a traveler as well? If they are traveling, do you take any note to see where they are going ? Is their destination in the same direction as your next stop?

In dating, it is so easy to form friendly connections beyond attraction & some sort of friendship is built. Also in dating people move on and that friendship dissolves or the connection is not the same.

Often times, relationships are going great, and then they dissolve without any party being able to explain what happened.

Is it possible, those stationary when you meet them are left behind when you evolve to another point in life?

Is it possible, those transitioning as well are also like travelers in a random roadside diner ? Just company for parts of the trip but not a partner to journey on with. Is it possible, some people don’t leave us, but maybe we moved on by changing and moving on to another point of life?

Imagine stopping at the next point of your journey, upset to meet anyone new or upset feeling that you are unworthy because the locals of the last town didn’t want to hop into your car with you and move on? Or feeling hurt because other travelers were not going your way ?

I feel like dating is similar… we are all on our own journey. We may attract people who are like us, and we don’t consider that we are in a state of constant adjustment towards who we are meant to be… so when that attraction ends…it is plausible, that it is merely because you have moved on and suddenly that attractable “like” was altered with growth.

If you are still single and looking for that person, take heart…everyone knows the action of the movie happens in the middle and every good story has a happy “ending”, maybe we are just in the middle of the action and the best is yet to come.

Have a good day my friends.


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Let’s talk about hope

Positive and negative are energies that are literally polar opposites.

So when you are knocked down, feeling bad or have your patience & energy running on fumes, how do you change that?

I’m thinking out loud here… I’m in a bit of a twist of a day and I want to be positive but my gut is feeling negatively about that.

Now what ? How can we turn the tide of energy at our lowest so we can be at our best ?

Music, laughing, affirmations are all ways I’ve used in the past…but I’m looking to you, blog friend, comment below – let’s collaborate- what do you do to turn your frown upside down ?


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Into the woods : a story about light

Ah this stupid flashing line, the line of text waiting to appear on the blank virtual page. Much like a metronome for writers or a tapping finger of an impatient interviewer. This line on the screen blinks and blinks and impatiently waits for the writer to tell the truth. I stammer, I look away, I type and delete…my throat feels dry.

I look at my phone, on it, a recent message from an ex. I think about how this message altered my mentality. I struggle to look for words to appease the blinking line on this virtual page and words to tell you what the hell happened. Truth is, I don’t know where to start.

I remember most about him the following: how oddly we met, how much I didn’t like him, a 3-hour call during a snow storm, learning we could discuss books and movies with ease, the day I realized perhaps this odd man was likeable. The final memory, once after our tryst was over in the warmth of Spring, I remember laying on my bathroom floor in tears begging God and the Universe to please never let me fall in love. Explaining in sobs muffled by a bath towel, that I would rather be alone and happy than to survive again the agony of a broken heart.

The air has turned cool now, it is the start of Fall.

As oddly as we met, we encountered each other again about a week ago. A few messages here and there, I wondered why he had returned to only discuss the past.

It was not long before I heard from him, I saw on social media that he had new mate. An official relationship. (whatever that means.) It was a sting to my pride as he wasn’t in the place to be with anyone seriously when he knew me and it appears in the last months he must have found that place. While I was happy he was happy, I was ill, that I was not.

To hear from him was like the past came up to me in a blind spot, with a flash light under its nose saying “Booga-Booga”, like an annoying kid trying to scare you at Summer Camp.

I asked : “…why I wasn’t perceived as a relationship girl ?”

And he said : “In my opinion, bc I can’t speak for anyone else, you just seemed like you weren’t ready to be in anything serious.  You seemed more concerned about hanging with your friends and partying. You are super fun but I was looking for someone who was read to chill and relax.  You are a very awesome person with a huge heart. You also have a bit of a wild side.. lol”

I replied: ” I can’t breathe. Thank you for your honesty. I. um. yea.”

He said: ” No problem, am I wrong ???”

I responded: “I am not mad. Are you wrong? Yes and no. We wanted the same thing. I still want to find that. I learned a lot about myself during that time with you. I am glad I asked because it was like a huge light bulb going off…”

At this point, I didn’t say the light bulb was of a flash light under his nose and how he was like the annoying kid at Summer Camp.

But I did explain that his statement made me see that while I was killing time in the single life, expecting to find coupled bliss that perhaps my means of waiting to find the ONE was what was keeping me from the lifestyle that I wanted to find. It was a unification moment of all the realizations I had come too in the last few months since we had met…and this showed me…who I am, who I was and made clear to me that I need to make clear to myself and others, what it is that I want.

I said ” I didn’t want to face what mattered to me. I ran. What you said is true. I was carrying on and I knew better. Live and learn, I guess. lol”

I was tormented for days.

Had living my single life ( for the fabulous and the lame) cost me a relationship? Had my “Tequilatude moments” cost me more than a bar tab? Had…it cost me the chance to find love?

I knew I was growing weary of the limelight of the party world. That shots were few and far between. That nights at home were more delicious sounding to me than a flashy $10 martini out on a Friday in a crowded bar. That made sense to me. It made sense to me that I, fearing love, make it appear that I am available but un-reachable emotionally. I run. That was an issue. What bothered me was the comment about my friends…and the thought of “Who would I have needed to be to have made that situation go any differently?”

Could I change?! COULD I BE DIFFERENT THAN WHO I AM, RIGHT NOW?  The answer slowly made peace with my torment…

YES.  I can change. I know I can because I am different all the damn time. (LOL I’m growing…. what can I say?)

But while partying is non important, will my friend-family NOT be a concern or active part of my life? I felt so tormented because, I don’t know how to be that person who is NOT concerned about the people in my life. My family is important and my friends are family…  To see the truth, I had to see that I am NOT a person who can live without concern for my life and be genuine.

Today, is my birthday.

Today, I realized that he was messaging me because he missed the funny, the witty, the independent person, the big heart that he decided was not ready to relax. I guess maybe in his found security he missed the “wild side” he perceived that I had going on.

Today, I deliver this message: ” I can go to bed on time. I can give up cigarettes & they can take my wine… but no one can take my wild side. It is not a side, it is my passion for life.” He sent me a message, I deleted it, not being read… I had seen what the past had to show me.

I’m stealing that flashlight from the annoying kid and I’m going forward…with light.

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Why not Squash

The flavor of the Season is pumpkin. This round, vine grower, has made its way to be a taste bud phenomenon.

I wonder what the other Gourds think about this craze? Is a spaghetti squash, longing to get out from under marinara sauce and make it to your cappuccino? Is a zucchini feeling jealous that there is no market for zucchini pie?

Why does one thing out of a group make it to popularity? Why do the others do the same work, without the acclaim?

I ponder this and think about humanity. Why are some girls popular and others are not? Why are some people promoted and others not?

Off the cuff, I would say the cult of personality would be a reason that some humans gain more attention than others. But I have to wonder…

On days we are not feeling as favored as the pumpkins this Season, maybe we should ask ourselves – when was the last time we got into something new? Fall to me is a time to reevaluate and take on new challenges.

Looking back at my last year, I can see where I fell short of being open to new opportunities and was not as flexible. I was so inflexible at times it was like sticking a zucchini in your coffee. (Aka stoic, unmoving)

I have to wonder…Was it insane for the first person to create a pumpkin flavored beer ? Was it uncomfortable to sell people on pumpkin flavored coffee ? Was it out of the box to use pumpkins for dinner, dessert, seeds and Halloween decorations? I bet so…

I have look at the other Gourds and smile. Personality is great, but versatility seems to be a key to the limelight.

(Hehe “limelight” …Limes better watch out…Pumpkins may take that over too.)

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Originally posted on Tequilatudes:

I’m still awake. It’s 3 AM. With the lights on. The air on blast. I’m in bed and I have forsaken my comfy comforter in favor of my couch throw.

I have my reasons.

When I close my eyes, I’m still there: Freezing cold air. Top bunk, Tiny slat of a window to my left.
The window is my savior & provider of sunlight and glimpses of green grass and one of those puff flowers you blow on and make a wish. My weak wish hits the glass and bounces back into the room, filled with people and bunks.

The lights were always on there – even when I was trying to sleep.
The noise was as constant as the lights.
My heart, beating anxiously.

Now, in my own bed, the comfortable pillow beneath my head, confuses me. When I close my eyes, I remember gathering my few belongings and…

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Coaster Quips: The things gals say…

The Relationship Addict –   ” He’s like 50 shades of shady … the theme-park!”

The Career vs Family Gal – ” What is that tomb-stone going to say ? ‘She sucked at work but she sure stuck with it till the end’ ?”

The Single Gal, training a Guy  – “YOU are like Napoleon Dynamite and I am like the girl with the side pony-tail, saying, ‘Heyyy Napoleon.’ “


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The jug and the barter

I walked into tonight’s date as a self concerned single gal and I walked out knowing that I cared about someone else in a way that was behooving of a Nicholas Sparks book. I don’t understand how this occurred nor do I really care.

[My people – I must tell you, this falling is unique unto itself. It is mutual and undeniable and anyone who has ever told you anything about finding the ONE , has not told you the truth.

That “feeling” is like the feeling of excitement with a twinge of the “I’m about to puke”.

What romance writers fail to advise is that the feeling of “this is it” comes with a new-world dread, of leaving your old-world behind. ]

Many unexpected realizations come to us…Mine came to me tonight, after this date. I was enjoying a glass of Cab after a car make-out session.

I came home from another perfect date with Mr. (One in a) Million and poured myself a glass of wine. As a took a thoughtful sip of Cab, I looked at my kitchen counter.

I saw things differently at that moment. I had an empty glass wine jug on top of my fridge. I was saving it to do a crafty Pintrest project.

When my eyes locked on the jug tonight, I looked at it as my last anchor to single synchronicity and shuddered.

My first thought was that I had to toss that jug. My second thought was that now, I had to toss the empowered single self-concerned behavior I had been biding build. 

I had to sit down. It was a love-breakdown I had never experienced. Somehow that stupid jug represented my individuality and freedom. Before I couldn’t WAIT to give up that part of life…now, I was shaking at the thought.

I sat to write these words, and I started to get mad. Why?! Why do I have to choose?!

This, my loved ones, in the beginnings of fitting your life with someone, is when you decide for yourself what a Single Voice in Coupled Life sounds like.

In this moment of new, in this excitement of what IF, in this joyful scary new land of WTF … THIS is when you decide if you are going to live in the stereotypes of what you think or what you have done or have seen or what WORKS for YOU.

What works for me is to keep “the jug”. This time (like my last relationships) I’m willing to compromise, but it’s good to know that my entity is not negotiable.


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