A water story aka “My name is (not) Ishmael”

Picture it – Waffle House, at 2pm  ( very Sex In The City brunch, except there are three and not four. We are wearing yoga gear/grocery shopping clothes. Bras are optional if a hoodie is present. )

Reed – What’s that look on your face, friend ? (looking across at Nic)

Nic – Huh ? oh. Girl I’m in shock.

Me – (looking at waitress as she is fixing our coffee. I stare at her with a foamy, Cerberus, underworld, coffee-deficient glare)

Reed – About ? ( she says to Nic, and nudges Me because the hate glare is starting to look ridiculous)

Nic – I was still a little drunk and was getting my morning cookies … you know.

Me – ( I look up at her from the top of my mug, and she looks at me )  You masturbate before breakfast?

Nic – Well, Its Saturday I’ve got time  (tucks her head and looks straight at us across the booth and mutters) I had a female orgasm! I have never had that before!

Reed – Wow friend that rocks. ( nudges me and has a look that says ‘TMI dude, TTTT MMM III’)

Nic – ( swept up in the story, forgets she was whispering and gets louder and talking and moving her hands) I thought the squirting O was an urban legend !!! It was the perfect storm!! The vibrator was right, I was relaxed and happy… it just happened. Ohhhh and when it started!!!

Me – (thinking…oh please lord I don’t want to hear this when I’m thirsty…please don’t describe it)

Nic – (starts talking excitedly) OMG I’m so glad I grew up watching Oprah or I woulda thought I popped a liver and my booze was falling out! It was like splashy !

Reed – (under her breath) Fuck me, I don’t need to hear this.

Nic – Between the legend, the flood and the toy… it was like wrestling the Loch Ness monster!!.

Reed –  Biiiiiiiiiiiiiitch. Damn I never get that much done when I just wake up.

Nic – Blahahahahahah. It was like me, and it was going wild – ” woah Nessy!!”

Reed – (looks at Nic and says flatly ) Woah “messy” is more like it.

Me – (Snort Laugh)

 

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4 thoughts on “A water story aka “My name is (not) Ishmael”

    1. Rotfl. Because the city was not Southern ! It’s not them… It’s my friends and I… Mid aged adult women in Publix wear, talking sex over eggs & bacon. ( low carb diets 😉 )

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