Appifanies don’t come with instructions. Actually, they come flying into your head without invitation…much like a friend bursting into your apartment and hogging your computer.
Nic storms in to my Apt and sits at the computer. She begins to mutter and complain under her breath.
Nic- Damn it. I can’t find what I’m looking for on Facebook.
Me- What are you looking for?
Nic- I’m posting a Life Event and I can’t find the one I want.
Me- What Life Event are you talking about? They have everything on there.
Nic- Not everything.
Nic- I’m looking for one that says ” I’ve stopped caring what people think of me.”
Nic- ( turns around to face me) I know right. Big deal.
Me- Yea I don’t think that’s something Facebook offers sweetie.
Nic- Why? Do you think it sounds too mean?
Me- I thought you don’t care what people think. ( laughing )
Nic- Touché. ( rises from computer chair and curls up in the chair ) Whatcha got on DVR?
This conversation with Nic, got me thinking…
Nic had not been “herself” in awhile. She wasn’t insane or pretending to be something she was not… she just had life hit her, like it hits all of us…and she trucked on like a trouper.
In keeping the status-quo, she became so worried about balancing the day-to-day that she never had the chance to really see the patterns she had grown accustomed too.
After a lay off, she obtained a practical job that was not “her”. She made the best out of a bad situation and instead of quitting, she learned to like the work and did quite well at it.
After years in a relationship, the demands of the dynamic grew. She was told that the reason it wasn’t working was things she could change. So she made it work, and let go of herself to hold-on to the relationship.
After a big break-up, she clocked out of her “make it work” job and just sat in her car… she did not know where to go or what to do. This was when Nic realized, the relationship had become her life. She began to see the colossal separation between the life she was living and the person within.
It is logical to me that she focused on what others thought, or would think… and not her gut. Hell, she had lived in a life that was not her own for so long…I think after the relationship was over, she had to work to revive herself to new logic, new thinking to match her new life.
And today she wants to reclaim her own story.
I asked her what she thought about this Life Event of hers, and she said, “It’s so hard. I feel like in being me, I’m flying without a net…even though I was born to fly – I did fly – and the net, was bullshit.”
I asked, “Truth vs Habit?”
She said, “Truth is habit.”
Her task is understanding that being real isn’t going to “feel right” at first. It doesn’t mean it’s not right…It is only a matter of getting used to being herself.
I wish Nic could post a Life Event that said, ‘the Me many of you know is dead. I am announcing the re-birth of Nic. A me, that many of my dear friends still knew, existed within.’
Life Events… (shrug) and here I thought no deep thinking could come from Facebook.