Coaster Quips

Reed – why are you so mad at that Facebook post.

Nic – it’s obnoxious.

Reed – why – it is a sweet couple message. What is your deal? hmm…was he your back burner guy ?

Nic – no actually, my first pick is now gay and the second is dead.

Reed – ( looks at me )

Me – don’t look at me! I hate those posts of love and goop and “envy me” bullshit with the love love love. Vomit!

Reed – damn! You lie! Hello, you eat that shit up !

Me – I GOSSIP and laugh about it. There’s a difference.

Nic -( to Reed and I) fucking freaks.

Me – what’s eating at you, Nic ?

Reed -( to me) Krystal’s guy.

Nic – ( to Reed) damn it – his nickname is softball.

Reed- I know, but for you to break up with him he musta been bite sized. (Laughs)

Nic – shut your face. I’m 34. 34444. Girls – I’m old. I can’t hide it. No kids. Never married. He was … A package! Ugh. I’m disappointed. We wouldn’t have gotten along in the long run. Oh. I give up ! And now my plan is to be financially stable to …

Me – get a dog?

Nic- YES… How did you know ?

Me- I’ve considered it too because…

Reed – (takes a shot) becaaause being the cat lady is too pathetic for you allergic-to-cats, mother fuckers.

Nic & Me – Fuck ya !

Reed – I don’t have too – speaking of which he’s pulling up. Drop your cups in the sink and get the hell outta here ! My Snake boy is coming.

Me – are you serious ?!

Reed – and take out the trash on your way!! run!!

Nic – blahahahahahah.

(Nic and I exit to parking lot)

Me – my vodka is in that house ( whimper )

Nic – what are you doing now ?… Wanna go to the pet store, and um, look at dogs?

(Death con glare at Nic)

Nic – what?!?!

Me – I hate you. ( 30 seconds later) Yea so, Petco?


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