‘I hate you’ & other hard things to say…

Yesterday I had two long talks with two female friends. Each expressed difficulty with identifying and expressing deep emotions.

I commiserated.

When you do not have natural inclination to know how to explain difficult feelings, meaningful relationships can be harder than they have to be.

Gender-urban legends tell us women are better at the feeling stuff than men are. This adds some pressure to the women who have not mastered it.


My friends both described being frustrated that it seems so easy for some people … And wonder why it’s so hard for them.

As I listened, I discovered some things that prohibit effective communication of emotional topics.

Both of these individuals had : Judiciousness, Perception, Protectiveness, Gratitude, Strength.

These are fantastic traits and all strengths can be manifested in ways that can weaken us.

Judiciousness – manifested into – do I have the right to feel this way?

Perception – manifested into – sharing how I feel will not be appropriate.

Protectiveness – manifested into – the person may not be able to handle my brevity. What if they go away?

Gratitude – manifested into – overall I am thankful for this person, so much so, I cannot state how I feel now, not to offend.

Strength – manifested into – my feelings are my issue. If I cannot swallow them, I just need to become stronger.

Internal havoc occurs when inability to communicate happens. It’s a soulful-constipation.

As I listened to my friends share, and I shared in return, we also discussed times that emotional discussions were easier to master. What I learned was a few things that helped.

Boiling points – soulful constipation out burst – it is as pretty as it sounds, out come is sketchy, but the result may be personal freedom.

Writing – “Writing Down the Bones” – stream of consciousness writing can be helpful in removing layers to get the root cause of the issue and how you are feeling.

Practice – Often it is easier to convey to a friend what you are struggling with. They may be able to repeat back to you what you were communicating in words you may not have been able to find at the moment.

I am not an expert, but in listening…I learned. I guess they call that wisdom.

I guess if I can express my feelings now, I can stop Pinteresting Voodoo Dolls. (that was a joke) – or maybe not -#witchywoman – Ha !


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