“I’ll never be that girl again.” Is the biggest damn lie I have ever told myself. Here I am a nervous wreck waiting to see what occurs on my phone. Why today? Why now? Why did I fall into the “Omg, is that …no…” cycle.
Yea – the damn flirt jitters. SMH. It sucks. SO – I set out to distract myself! Here is what I did…
I watched TV –
The last episode of The Office scripted a sentence I think we have always wondered, “ I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them. Someone should write a song about that.”
I visited a friend –
My friend read that quote to me as I was on her porch, enjoying a shot of apple whiskey and smoking a Marlboro light. We had been talking about the day, our current colds and what we were doing (and not doing) to take care of them and life as we knew it.
She lives at the other end of a winding side walk along a nice walking path in our neighborhood. I said back to her as I entered the warmth of her place, “well here with an empty shot glass, I cheer to our now good old days.” She laughed.
I looked at my phone. She asked… why. She knew. I knew. I told her about what all had happened today, while I was waiting and yet refusing to wait by my phone.
I talked to my besties
I told her I got calls from a lot of great people. But since I was in a funk of distracting myself from the funk, I didn’t want to talk. So much so, my stubbornness not to answer was taken away by the third call.
I answered the phone and said, ” You are lucky you are number three, or ya woulda gotten the voicemail too. ” It was my friend Jo on the other line. She and I had a great conversation. We always do.
I don’t go out looking for these great deep conversations, recently,b they have found me. There was a time I craved them and yet avoided them … I was sneaky with my avoidance… I just made sure to put myself in places where I knew they would not occur.
I took care of my space
I unpacked Christmas decorations. I didn’t realize that so many of the items were things given to my by my grandmother. This is my first Christmas with out her. I cried.
I discovered new things
Today, I also got texted songs from my friend Sue. Deep songs. Happy songs. Random songs…my favorite…Build Me Up Buttercup…love it!
I took a think at the present moment
I did a lot of insignificant things, with a lot of significant people. To my recollection, that is what my good old day memories are all about. I’m all for multi tasking, but what I didn’t bank on was while I was waiting for some “future stuff” to happen or not happen… my new, old, memories were going on.
As I walked home along the winding path that I had glanced down from my friend’s balcony, I breathed in the night air, I hummed a tune, I did not check my phone.
I was human
I totally checked it when I got into my apartment. What? Thinking “I’ll never be THAT girl again” is the biggest lie I have ever told myself. Maybe someone should write a song about that.
- Suck It Up, Buttercup (stronglikemycoffee.com)
- Cold Schmold (lettersfromscarlet.com)
- Expectant Waiting (joelmlayblog.wordpress.com)