Remember Dido singing about “longing to be a Hunter again?” Ah the thrill of the kill, or in dating terms…the hump.
In a modern world, are we still primal hunters on a dating safari? I just scrolled through a blog that asked 100 men, “Would you date a girl that slept with you on the first date?” Many responses from the surveyed men stated, while they would enjoy the sex, the woman would not been seen as girlfriend material. One man bluntly stated, “My respect for her would be lost completely.”
My mind was reeling: Did the guy not have sex with her as well? Why didn’t he loose respect for himself? Why even have sex if the result was some morality test?
My girlfriends are all talking about a movie that has come out, Think Like a Man Act Like a Lady II. I have not seen the movie, but I did pick up the book it was based on and took a read.
In the book, Steve Harvey, describes that men are fishing…some are sports fishing and some are looking for a real catch. The book describes the wooing that occurs to try to obtain the screwing. ( It doesn’t put it like THAT, but you get the picture.) To be sure of the intent of the suitor, a lady is to withhold sex for 90 days. The book and women everywhere have coined the term “The Cookie” to describe sex/vagina.
90 days before you give him the “Cookie.” 90 is the magic number of making the man peruse to exhaustion and when finally obtaining the sex he will value it based on the work he put into obtaining it and there for value the “catch.”
The theory and the hunt fails to be practical advice for real dating women.
It is HARD to find 90 days worth of excuses to remain sexless with someone you are interested in.
It is ANNOYING to keep an avidly panting man at bay, they are persistent, relentless and convincing.
It is CONFUSING to know as the chase continues that the value you will have will be directly relational to his effort and not on your qualities.
The book does not say what to do if you have not lasted the magic 90 days. We can only assume that it means you were a sport fish. SIGH.
I have had conversations with male friends about “women who say no, but it’s just a manipulation.”
Avidly, my female friends and myself try to explain. “IT’S NOT US. IT’s YOU. IT’s THE BOOOOOOOKK!”
Isn’t it defeatist to be perused by a man, wooed and then after you engage in an intimate tryst they say, “Thanks but by giving me what I wanted, you are not what I want.” LOL. Is it just me, or is this completely illogical? It’s like going to a restaurant, asking for pancakes and gut-punching the waitress for bringing you pancakes.
Maybe there needs to be a book that says, value a person on what they do for others, the compassion they give and the laughs they bring you?
Maybe the art of withholding needs to come from within instead of fear of judgment and misrepresentation of your value?
Maybe, boys and girls should re-learn how to play nicely together on the dating playground…and never underestimate the power of a good yank to the ponytail. 😉