4 months before conviction

Walgreens – 11 Am – average Tuesday:

Self importantly I blaze past my friend and head to the drink section and mutter back at her in an annoyed and hushed voice.

” Look. People don’t want to see ugly. People don’t like ugly people. And people definitely don’t like ugly situations.” I said to her venomously.

Nichole sped up and expecting my tone on the topic, responded “All I am saying, is write your feelings down. Write the story, you don’t know who it may help. It will help you.”

I stopped abruptly and turned to her in a whisper and scathing look, “When all you’ve got is an ugly situation raring around inside of you, It’s easy to think, that people, don’t like you. So to tell me, that I’m going to tell a story that I know is ugly, is so futile… It is STUPID. What am I going to say? I would be writing random shit for no reason. Because I know, no one is going to want to hear it. Especially me!”

“When,” she blocked me from the refrigerator door I was reaching for to get a soda. “WHEN are you going to stop feeling sorry for yourself and see the reality. It was one shitty night. It was what…a long time ago…”

” Five months ago,” I mutter.

She grabs my arm emphatically, “FIVE MONTHS AGO. Wow it has been awhile. It was one shitty, stupid night that is farther in the past with every day. When are you going to leave it there?”

I look past her and she moves to open the door to the cooler and gets out a Pepsi Max for each of us. “Nichole, it’s not over yet.” I said and took the sodas from her.

“You are doing everything you have got to do. You are going through the steps. What is bad is you not living in the now.”

I just look at her with a look that says she is right, thank you and a nod that indicated if we keep going I may cry. “I. have. lost. everything.” I say to her through gritted teeth.

She grabbed the drinks from my hand and starts to the cash register, “Good. You needed new things.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

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