what is time

Soon after arriving, I was told I get to “depart” this place at 8 AM on a Thursday.

I feel like I have already been here for mountains of time.

In reality it has just been 2.5 hours. It is now 7:35 pm. I arrived at 5 pm.
They fed us at I guess 5:30 pm. I got “dressed” around 7:20 pm. I am not a time person. I never wear a watch. I am always late. I hate rushing. I do not live by clocks or time. I am a slave at this minute to the second hand of a wall clock, that I can see from the window on the cell door. I am watching time like I never have before.

I have a pen. I have no paper. I was allowed one book. I am writing this in my book pages anywhere there is a space.

This miracle pen was from the car. I had been jotting something down and I guess stuck it in my bag of items I could bring.

I didn’t mean to bring it in because my attorney didn’t say I could bring one.
It is a stick pen, and the guard lady that “dressed” me said it was an approved item and tossed it back in with my things.

This is a miracle. “Thank you God,” I thought.

I heard a fight earlier, I guess 21 minutes ago. I am in admissions. I am in a solitary cell. Well a holding cell? I’m alone in here thank God. There is one long concrete bench against the wall in front of a toilet/sink combination. There is a sliding door with a big window. It is an open space, that from what I can tell is 7.5 feet by 10 feet and about 17 feet tall.

I am obsessing about numbers. Counting time, feet, inches… I am not sure why but the math is somehow entertaining or soothing or maddening.

I make myself a schedule while I am on this bench by 8 pm. If I sit with my back to the wall facing the door window, that is like watching TV. The middle section is facing the toilet and since dinner was not appetizing at the moment, this space will be for dining and meditation. The wall flush to the door, facing into the room would be the bed room. It was more private as I would not be so easily seen by the other inmates going through intake and I would be able to hear what was going on outside the door and wake up.

I didn’t put much thought into my “schedule” but it was amazing me the keen sense that starts to take over.


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