The jug and the barter

I walked into tonight’s date as a self concerned single gal and I walked out knowing that I cared about someone else in a way that was behooving of a Nicholas Sparks book. I don’t understand how this occurred nor do I really care.

[My people – I must tell you, this falling is unique unto itself. It is mutual and undeniable and anyone who has ever told you anything about finding the ONE , has not told you the truth.

That “feeling” is like the feeling of excitement with a twinge of the “I’m about to puke”.

What romance writers fail to advise is that the feeling of “this is it” comes with a new-world dread, of leaving your old-world behind. ]

Many unexpected realizations come to us…Mine came to me tonight, after this date. I was enjoying a glass of Cab after a car make-out session.

I came home from another perfect date with Mr. (One in a) Million and poured myself a glass of wine. As a took a thoughtful sip of Cab, I looked at my kitchen counter.

I saw things differently at that moment. I had an empty glass wine jug on top of my fridge. I was saving it to do a crafty Pintrest project.

When my eyes locked on the jug tonight, I looked at it as my last anchor to single synchronicity and shuddered.

My first thought was that I had to toss that jug. My second thought was that now, I had to toss the empowered single self-concerned behavior I had been biding build. 

I had to sit down. It was a love-breakdown I had never experienced. Somehow that stupid jug represented my individuality and freedom. Before I couldn’t WAIT to give up that part of life…now, I was shaking at the thought.

I sat to write these words, and I started to get mad. Why?! Why do I have to choose?!

This, my loved ones, in the beginnings of fitting your life with someone, is when you decide for yourself what a Single Voice in Coupled Life sounds like.

In this moment of new, in this excitement of what IF, in this joyful scary new land of WTF … THIS is when you decide if you are going to live in the stereotypes of what you think or what you have done or have seen or what WORKS for YOU.

What works for me is to keep “the jug”. This time (like my last relationships) I’m willing to compromise, but it’s good to know that my entity is not negotiable.

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