Health

A quote from Love Actually. A feeling of appreciation

| Tequila Tudes

“Get a grip, people hate sissies. No-one’s ever gonna shag you if you cry all the time.”

Film quote of conversation between characters Karen and Harry
Film quote of conversation between characters Karen and Harry

Love Actually was a wonderful film with great lines. I didn’t remember the quote exactly, but I remembered the concept.

– If you keep crying, you will never get laid. –

 I told myself this as I was sobbing in my bathroom. I had worked very hard on a project and it was not appreciated. It was not noticed. My work felt futile. I felt useless and defeated.

I stood in front of the mirror with a snotty cry pouring out of my face and told myself to buck up. “Damn it, self, you need to get over this now because your are being weak and gross. Get over it.”

Beating myself up when I felt low did not make me feel better. It just ended up being like a thrasher-pity party. Fact is, The lack of appreciation makes me sad.

I felt like I was working in a cycle.

  • I am provided a challenge.
  • I put forth effort and create a result that I am proud of. The result is grand,
  • but when no one cares…
  • I think the Effort and the Result is worthless.

I have been reading a lot about accountability. I like this topic because no matter the curve ball, I have the power to choose how I feel about it. I had to face that I was placing blame for my sadness on not being appreciated.

I had to call myself on this bullshit. I thought I did a good job. So why now do I feel my work was undervalued? Ah – in looking deeper I was sad because somewhere, I had undervalued myself.

Look – this moment was not pretty for me. I was pissed. Trust me. I think it’s not fair to blame myself for ONE MORE THING… geesh…and the unappreciative people get off the hook. But the truth is – I put MY value in the hands of others, and I knew it, and I hated it.

Now, I’m glad I had that crying moment. Had I been acclaimed to the hilt of my expectation, maybe I would not have seen that I was determining my value on public opinion and not on my work.

What now? Well, usually I would lecture myself to never do that again. Sometimes, it seems that harping at ourselves will make us better, but it’s illogical. (Seriously, when was the last time your ass was in Boot Camp Class … and you liked it?) No one wants to be barked at. Likewise, we have to stop “bitching” at ourselves.

Let’s talk for a second about appreciation.

  • Whatever it is that has got you wondering what all your hard work is for.
  • Whatever or Whomever is inspiring questions about your contribution and value.
  • Wherever you are reading this, physically or in a certain stage in your life… understand that you see what you believe.

Over time, I hope to exchange the lecture, for a one-time conversation with a mature adult ( AKA: me.) In the conversation, note that next time I will do things differently, maybe appreciate myself more and drop it.

An opportunity for a new victory is just around the corner! To see it, I need to stop micromanaging my success with rehashing failure.

I know this is nutty for a deep thinker to say, but sometimes we need to stop dwelling so much inward and look to the day ahead. That’s all a savvy person needs anyway…. ( and of course another glass of wine)

Oh, not that you need to hear it from me… but for what it’s worth, good job on all you do.

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‘I hate you’ & other hard things to say…

| Tequila Tudes

Yesterday I had two long talks with two female friends. Each expressed difficulty with identifying and expressing deep emotions.

I commiserated.

When you do not have natural inclination to know how to explain difficult feelings, meaningful relationships can be harder than they have to be.

Gender-urban legends tell us women are better at the feeling stuff than men are. This adds some pressure to the women who have not mastered it.

funny

My friends both described being frustrated that it seems so easy for some people … And wonder why it’s so hard for them.

As I listened, I discovered some things that prohibit effective communication of emotional topics.

Both of these individuals had : Judiciousness, Perception, Protectiveness, Gratitude, Strength.

These are fantastic traits and all strengths can be manifested in ways that can weaken us.

Judiciousness – manifested into – do I have the right to feel this way?

Perception – manifested into – sharing how I feel will not be appropriate.

Protectiveness – manifested into – the person may not be able to handle my brevity. What if they go away?

Gratitude – manifested into – overall I am thankful for this person, so much so, I cannot state how I feel now, not to offend.

Strength – manifested into – my feelings are my issue. If I cannot swallow them, I just need to become stronger.

Internal havoc occurs when inability to communicate happens. It’s a soulful-constipation.

As I listened to my friends share, and I shared in return, we also discussed times that emotional discussions were easier to master. What I learned was a few things that helped.

Boiling points – soulful constipation out burst – it is as pretty as it sounds, out come is sketchy, but the result may be personal freedom.

Writing – “Writing Down the Bones” – stream of consciousness writing can be helpful in removing layers to get the root cause of the issue and how you are feeling.

Practice – Often it is easier to convey to a friend what you are struggling with. They may be able to repeat back to you what you were communicating in words you may not have been able to find at the moment.

I am not an expert, but in listening…I learned. I guess they call that wisdom.

I guess if I can express my feelings now, I can stop Pinteresting Voodoo Dolls. (that was a joke) – or maybe not -#witchywoman – Ha !

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